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Toxic relationship or a Soulmate?

The intense energy flows in the past 10-12 months has brought about intense changes and clarifications in relationships. There has been much confusion in the minds of some where they have felt a strong pull to their partners but were not entirely clear on the relationships whereas others found their soulmates suddenly and when they least expected it.

The people who felt a strong pull to their new partners started seeing a different side to their partners as time went on. Susan reached out to me as she was trying to put the pieces together. In her case (described here with her prior permission), she met Steve on an internet dating site and his profile intrigued her enough to reach out and connect with him. In the beginning, Steve was extremely attentive and reached out regularly but over time, she felt that the long-distance relationship had become one-sided – conversations only when he wanted them or discussions around his life and needs. Susan soon realized that either the long-distance was affecting the relationship or that Steve was overwhelmed.

In order to get some clarity she suggested that they meet for a week at a central location and Steve agreed. During their time together, it was apparent that the emotions and chemistry existed, but she was disappointed to realize that Steve was only interested in spending time on events that were of interest to him, and in time, she felt completely left out and unloved. Susan realized that she was in a toxic relationship.

A toxic relationship is one where there is no consideration for the other person’s life or feelings. It is one-sided where one partner feels entitled and is self-absorbed. The relationship is emotionally and verbally abusive where one person is always giving in to their partner and where the partner is controlling and dominant with no qualms of sacrificing the other’s needs for their own.

It should also be noted, that a person who attracts a selfish, controlling, partner may have done so because they are low on self-love and self-esteem. Unknowingly he/she hopes to get all the attention and validation from their partner. Such a relationship cannot flourish in the long-term and is doomed to failure or unhappiness.

At the opposite end of the spectrum is the Soulmate relationship where the two people in the partnership complement and make each other stronger. They help each other make life happier - where truth, integrity, respect, open communication, and consideration is the basis of the relationship. It is a partnership of equals where each has freedom to grow with the positive support from the other. In order to attract the perfect mate or soulmate for yourself, it is imperative that one should also reflect the qualities of love, kindness, and consideration that they are searching for in their mate. A sound relationship is one where there is good synergy, respect, loyalty, and honest consideration for the other.

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